Living Out Of Your Fear

Something led me here, of course, to the place that has driven my most deepest (and most reoccurring) fears: speaking in a voice not necessarily expected, stepping out of what the status quo may look like, standing in obedience to the Lord's call when the world tells me I should stay quiet, go along with the crowd, and smile regardless of the outcome.

It may be a deep-seeded childhood habit. As an almost-only-child with fifteen years between myself and my sister, I led a quiet childhood. I observed others, sitting on the outside of conversations likely meant for an older and more mature ear. I saw what happened when someone disagreed. At times it was met with what my immature mind interpreted as anger, and slowly over time I somehow developed the world view that disagreement equals resentment and discord in relationships, but agreement equals peace. Stay quiet and in agreement, and the even tide of a quiet home will stay unchanged. Which I guess in some ways can be okay, but not until I was an adult did I begin to understand the benefit and satisfaction of a well thought out debate. Hearing (and respecting) another's opinion doesn't a) mean I have to change my thoughts on the matter, and b) mean we are having a downright argument and no longer speaking. In time I've discovered that honoring one another's thoughts and worldviews doesn't have to impact my own convictions, but it can open my eyes to another's soul. Doing so increases our compassion, and helps us to offer empathy in ways we may have previously thought impossible. 

And it's because of this that brings the idea of sharing my thoughts and opinions, especially when it comes to my faith, makes my hands sweat. My heart pounds at the very thought of sharing a bold faith, but of course, our sweet Lord calls us to that anyway: to share our faith boldly, against the grain, despite what the world wants us to say, to do, to look like.

But I think we all encounter this, though your fear may not be what my specific fear looks like. What is it in your heart that makes your palms sweat, your heart race? What is it that makes you think, I'm the only one who could see it this way, the only one who feels compelled to do this thing. Or maybe even, I'm messing this all up, how could I possibly be the person to carry this out? Our enemy wants this. He wants us to hide in our fears, keep quiet, and not make a ripple. When we stay in hiding our thing feels bigger than it is, fear takes over, and our silence keeps our hearts in solitude.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 NIV

When we speak our fear aloud, however, its grip loosens on the rocks and we see we're not the only ones. Regardless of your fear, there's One who goes before you, who speaks courage into your heart before you even knew it was there. There's a mighty Father who doesn't ask you to do it perfectly, but asks you to follow Him again and again, no matter what the world may think of you. There's a quiet confidence that comes along when the Holy Spirit guides your feet. Fear begins to melt away and the Lord redeems your past by sanctifying your present.

We aren't meant to live in fear, sweet friends. We're meant to walk boldly, yet kindly, held firm in our God's unending love, and confidently walking in His footsteps. He doesn't ask us to go out without Him, but to stand firm in His love as He leads us in His grace and mercy. There's a misunderstanding that we will arrive at some fixed point and will shout from the top, "I've made it!" But the only destination we have is the eternal life we get to join in with Christ. That's the end game. So we can choose to let our fear win, keep quiet, our head down, or we can choose to let Jesus hold our chin up, looking toward His grace, His honor, His might, and know that only when we begin to courageously speak the truth will we be truly set free.

This week, I choose to speak truth and live in freedom. I choose to not stay quiet though my pride and fear tell me my silence is a safer place. And I ask you to come along with me, share in all of the good and bad and somewhat awkward parts of it all, so we can learn and grow together in Him.

Love, Kristin

Whatever You Do

Each Monday, I start the day a little earlier than the other week days, finding my intentions for the week. Sometimes they're spurred on by our small group study, but other times God whispers (rather, SHOUTS, but I'm being poetic here) a verse or two to start my heart on the right path for the week.

We were at At Home yesterday (think Home Depot, but with home decor), searching for a rug that will once again be destroyed by the gaggle of dirty beings living under our roof. But our current one is in desperate need of finding its way to the garbage can, so off we went with the three kiddos in tow to a giant store of endless aisles to get lost in. Aisle after aisle was another treasure trove of things to touch. From biggest to smallest, one after the other, each kiddo would touch the same exact {breakable} object. Finally it hit me: "Guys! Every time you touch something, your little brother does the same! No more touching all the things!" Miracle of miracles, as they stopped, the two year old stopped. He was looking to his older siblings for an example, and followed right in suit. They touched, he touched. They stopped, he stopped. More than the other two, as they're less than two years apart, I see our littlest's deepest desires to be bigger, be older, and do ALL things (plus some added acrobatics reserved solely for his talents) his two older siblings do. He looks to their example all day long. A lot of pressure for a 5 and 7 year old, but they mostly handle the responsibility with grace.

...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God - even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. 1 Corinthians 10: 31-33 NIV

Now, this verse is in the context of Saint Paul depicting a believer's freedom, especially as it relates to freedom in eating food (given his Jewish heritage, some foods were considered "clean' vs "unclean"), but there is a larger lesson here. Just as the two year old followed his siblings, I think folks we meet each day, especially those whom we see on a regular basis and know our Christian identity, look to us to see how we act. Maybe not on a conscience level even, but as we proclaim our Christianity living out our daily lives, our job is to hold it dearly and know that others may form opinions on Christianity based solely on our behaviors, actions and reactions. So this week I plan to not just do what is best for me, but to ask God to come along beside me to spur my heart and motivations to intermingle with His, so that my example would be one of Jesus. A lot of pressure when taken out of the context of the Holy Spirit, but when your heart and mind is aligned with the Word of God, He is able to move in you and those around you in ways you could have never dreamed.

Lord, I pray this week to be an example of what it means to live in You and through You. Help me to recognize when my actions and reactions aren't reflective of your love, and to handle my responsibility as a Christian woman with grace and humility. Let my words speak truth, my actions honor You, my heart become more in tune with Your will. You alone are the Most High over all the earth; thank you for being the perfect example for our lives. In your Holy Name, we pray. Amen.