Full stop; I’m a cradle Catholic, and can only count on one (maybe 2?) how many times I’ve gone to confession.
I’m going to let that one sink in for a bit, because even typing it makes me cringe a bit.
But why? Why on earth do Catholics go to confession? For the past decade, Jesus has wooed me back into His loving arms, and the work He has done in me and in my life has been nothing short of miraculous. He changes my heart daily, and I have often wondered what it is about the Catholic Church that keeps me coming back. I’ve been leading a nondenominational Bible Study for years at this point, and I’ve seen the fruit of the Spirit working in every single Christian denomination I’ve observed.
And my heart continues to ask, But why the Catholic Church for me and my family?
Because sometimes I feel it would be easier to just walk away. Too many ‘rituals,’ too many public hurts, too many weird insence-y smells in the sanctuary.
But yet.
I somehow found myself at our parish’s hour long Eucharistic Adoration last Thursday night, which is also one of the times of the week that we are invited to confession with the priest. It’s been years since my last confession. I always get nervous because I’m not sure what to say, and am worried I won’t say the “right” prayer. And honestly, I think this is where a lot of my Protestant brothers and sisters get caught up with us Catholics: Jesus’ death on the cross and His subsequent gift of the Holy Spirit removed our need to repent to a priest! We have direct access! Confession to another isn’t necessary! Just say it aloud to Jesus right now and you will be forgiven!
Yes! Agreed! Jesus wants us to come to Him. Daily. And profess our sins and our inability to do anything aside from His provisions, grace, and mercy.
But yet. (again)
I printed out an examination of conscious I found online — because remember, I had the deep desire to follow all the rules. I wrote my sins down, I contemplated my current and ongoing sins, and asked the Lord to show me anything I wasn’t seeing that needed to be confessed. I talk to God daily, and confess my shortcomings just as often, but I was committed to this sequence due to the one fact that I’m trying to figure out why I’m Catholic in the first place.
So I went. And I cried. Because there was something both beautiful and crushing about speaking the words aloud to an unassuming man of God who demonstrated such grace-filled compassion, which I felt oozing through the fibers of the confessional curtain. His tender heart reminded me of the heart of Jesus — as my tears fell, I could see the compassion of Christ descend upon me, and healed me in a way I’d never felt before.
And then I knew: Catholic penance isn’t about a rule or a dogmatic anarchy intending to control us all. It’s not about all of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘need tos.’ It’s about abundant grace, perfect forgiveness, and relationship to Christ. It’s not about the priest on the other side of the curtain, it’s about the temple’s veil being torn once and for all, and the blood of Christ washing my heart anew. It’s keeping my heart accountable to the words that have passed through my lips, and the promise of salvation as we confess Jesus as Lord who died a horrible death, was buried and resurrected for the sake of all of the brokenness we carry.
The peace it brought, y’all. And the revelation! The Holy Spirit has poured. some. stuff. out. y’all. I continue to feel more of his presence, day by day, the more I open my heart to him, one torn up layer at a time.
I’m a Christian. I’m a Catholic. And oftentimes I feel the world sees those as two entirely different things, but the further I travel down this path alongside the loving heart of Jesus, the more I tend to believe that we’re all one in the same. Today I’m just throwing out gratitude that my heart has been opened to all of those who follow His Word, with the understanding that we all worship differently, just as God has intended.
There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts.
You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.
1 Corinthians 12:12-14, 27
A lot of times, I’ve heard these verses used in reference to how the Lord has uniquely gifted each of His children, so that they collectively work as the full body of Christ. But the more I contemplate it, the more I see the other meaning: there are many ways to worship the one True God, and the universal Church — all believing churches focused on God’s Word and the saving power of the Gospel — THAT is the body of Christ. We’re all made differently, made to worship differently, made to pray differently, made to confess differently. But we’re all the body of Christ. And God made each of us on purpose, with a specific design.
The more I think of it, the more I realize that I don’t have to choose. I don’t have to decide if I’m Catholic or Protestant; I can love the church I attend while also loving the Church of God’s people. And I’m willing to set aside our differences to learn from one another, grow more holy with one another, and run the race set before us — running after the eternal promises made — hand in hand with the brothers and sisters created for their own individual giftings to glorify the name of the Lord, regardless of what kind of buildings of which they spend their Sunday mornings.
I pray this encourages you, sweet friends. I pray that when you drive by a different kind of church, that your heart begins to wonder if maybe those differences are just another way of expressing the love of Jesus. Not wrong. Just different.
So, honestly? I’m going to go to confession again. Probably this week. The revelation of the Holy Spirit is contagious! And if this is one more way to show holy reverence to my Lord and Savior, then I’m going to do it. But I want to know your thoughts… Are you Catholic? Protestant? Somewhere in between? Or maybe not even claiming any type of church? What are your thoughts on formal confession? I’d love to hear your heart.
Kindness and blessings,
Kristin
Info overload nerd like me? Check out the catechism of the Catholic Church here to read more about Catholic penance.