Something led me here, of course, to the place that has driven my most deepest (and most reoccurring) fears: speaking in a voice not necessarily expected, stepping out of what the status quo may look like, standing in obedience to the Lord's call when the world tells me I should stay quiet, go along with the crowd, and smile regardless of the outcome.

It may be a deep-seeded childhood habit. As an almost-only-child with fifteen years between myself and my sister, I led a quiet childhood. I observed others, sitting on the outside of conversations likely meant for an older and more mature ear. I saw what happened when someone disagreed. At times it was met with what my immature mind interpreted as anger, and slowly over time I somehow developed the world view that disagreement equals resentment and discord in relationships, but agreement equals peace. Stay quiet and in agreement, and the even tide of a quiet home will stay unchanged. Which I guess in some ways can be okay, but not until I was an adult did I begin to understand the benefit and satisfaction of a well thought out debate. Hearing (and respecting) another's opinion doesn't a) mean I have to change my thoughts on the matter, and b) mean we are having a downright argument and no longer speaking. In time I've discovered that honoring one another's thoughts and worldviews doesn't have to impact my own convictions, but it can open my eyes to another's soul. Doing so increases our compassion, and helps us to offer empathy in ways we may have previously thought impossible. 

And it's because of this that brings the idea of sharing my thoughts and opinions, especially when it comes to my faith, makes my hands sweat. My heart pounds at the very thought of sharing a bold faith, but of course, our sweet Lord calls us to that anyway: to share our faith boldly, against the grain, despite what the world wants us to say, to do, to look like.

But I think we all encounter this, though your fear may not be what my specific fear looks like. What is it in your heart that makes your palms sweat, your heart race? What is it that makes you think, I'm the only one who could see it this way, the only one who feels compelled to do this thing. Or maybe even, I'm messing this all up, how could I possibly be the person to carry this out? Our enemy wants this. He wants us to hide in our fears, keep quiet, and not make a ripple. When we stay in hiding our thing feels bigger than it is, fear takes over, and our silence keeps our hearts in solitude.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 NIV

When we speak our fear aloud, however, its grip loosens on the rocks and we see we're not the only ones. Regardless of your fear, there's One who goes before you, who speaks courage into your heart before you even knew it was there. There's a mighty Father who doesn't ask you to do it perfectly, but asks you to follow Him again and again, no matter what the world may think of you. There's a quiet confidence that comes along when the Holy Spirit guides your feet. Fear begins to melt away and the Lord redeems your past by sanctifying your present.

We aren't meant to live in fear, sweet friends. We're meant to walk boldly, yet kindly, held firm in our God's unending love, and confidently walking in His footsteps. He doesn't ask us to go out without Him, but to stand firm in His love as He leads us in His grace and mercy. There's a misunderstanding that we will arrive at some fixed point and will shout from the top, "I've made it!" But the only destination we have is the eternal life we get to join in with Christ. That's the end game. So we can choose to let our fear win, keep quiet, our head down, or we can choose to let Jesus hold our chin up, looking toward His grace, His honor, His might, and know that only when we begin to courageously speak the truth will we be truly set free.

This week, I choose to speak truth and live in freedom. I choose to not stay quiet though my pride and fear tell me my silence is a safer place. And I ask you to come along with me, share in all of the good and bad and somewhat awkward parts of it all, so we can learn and grow together in Him.

Love, Kristin